Times 10

I was a horrible teenager. I don't mean in the sense that teenagers as a whole are awful creatures and should to shipped off to some island to fend for themselves until they come back, 20 and well-behaved. No, I was beyond the normal amount of awful. I treated my mom like crap. I stole things. I lied. I got in trouble with the law. I drank. I had parties in my parents' house. I stayed out until 5:00am and had no apology or remorse when I was busted. I was just plain shitty. There's no other way to put it. I wasn't self destructive I just didn't care. Nothing and no one was more important than my impulses. If I was good at one thing it was being a royal pain in the ass. The only thing that saved me from serious trouble was music and theater. I loved to sing and act and that was probably the only reason I even went to school.

When I got pregnant I'm pretty sure my mom was crossing fingers and toes for a girl. Not because they're sugar and spice and their clothes are so much cuter. No, my mother wanted me to have a girl for a little taste of karma. She got her wish. When we discovered the sex my mom practically peed her pants with absolutely glee. "Ohhhhhh you're going to get" she giggled. "You're going to get it all back times 10."

My daughter just turned 3 and  I have been operating under the assumption that while the teen years will be tough these toddler and childhood years will be all puppies and rainbows. Silly me. This kid is truly my daughter. She is 3 going on 16. Everything has to match. If she thinks her clothes don't match she goes into a total meltdown complete with door slamming and sobbing on her bed. She is always asking if she can go play with boys (her dad really loves that one). She's not cute, she's beautiful. Address her as such. She wants everyone to be smiling all the time and if you make a face she doesn't like she's snottily ask "what's that face about?" Most of the time she wants nothing to do with her father...unless of course he has something she wants and then she's sweet as pie. She has perfected the pouty face.

Ahhhh yes. I'm in for it. Thanks karma...you bitch!